best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
