doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
