i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
