Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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