I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
