I looked at my own cervix.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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