She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
