what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
