i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
