I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
