we're making bets on your personal life
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
