Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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