I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
