Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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