I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize