This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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