I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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