North Korea, Best Korea!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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