apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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