hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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