it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
