grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize