Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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