So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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