he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dicks are not precious.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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