I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
false alarm, still single
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
