holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
