Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
