Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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