guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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