you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
