I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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