I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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