Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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