my vag is so smooth its legendary
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize