what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
