the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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