if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
