The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
