remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
