can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
