Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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