what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
