hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
