Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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