I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
