Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize