Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
