I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
