Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
