I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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