foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
