They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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