dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
