I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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