absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
