so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
