just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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