Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
