Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize