Don't you send me to vm
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
