8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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