I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
