they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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