Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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