how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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