did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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