you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
