I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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